Don't Believe Everything You Think


Hello FPA and happy September! This month I wanted to share some thoughts with you about something I work with almost all of my patients on. My first meeting with a patient I usually set the expectation that in therapy we will often think about how we think and talk about how we talk. I know that might sound a little funky, but it's true! We don't take much time in our day to day lives to think about how we're thinking and talk about how we're talking.

Our thoughts are so automatic within our own minds, but not every thought we have is accurate or helpful.

Read that again real quick… not everything we think is true.

Not every thought reflects a fact or a full reality. Each of our thoughts are influenced by past experiences, emotions, or biases. Sometimes our brains fall into patterns that overlook or neglect certain truths. We might get caught in black and white thoughts, or overgeneralizations, or catastrophizing. Black and white thoughts might sound like "If I don't do it perfectly I'm a failure." Overgeneralizations might sound like "Well that's what happened last time I spoke my mind, so that will happen every time I speak my mind." Catastrophizing might sound like "If I lose my job I'll never find another one and I'll be on the street."

How we think about ourselves, our situations, and the world around us has a direct influence on how we feel and how we choose to act. Checking on our thoughts gives us more power to improve our moods and ensure the ways we behave contribute to feeling our healthiest and happiest.

One of the goals of the practice of thinking about how we think might be to increase what we call our 'cognitive flexibility' which is essentially our ability to consider the alternative perspectives or the other possible truths in our reality. The truth is that a thought is just a thought. It’s a passing phenomenon that doesn't require our belief in them, our acceptance of them, or our action based on them.

A thought is just a thought.

We do have the capacity to change how we think.

And sometimes it's best for us to let our thoughts just be thoughts, instead of allowing them to be truths.

Returning to our unhelpful thought patterns, we might challenge and change the thought of "If I don't do it perfectly I'm a failure" to something more true and helpful, like "I can do my best, and my best is enough." We could challenge and change the thought "Well that's what happened last time so that will happen every time" to the more helpful thought of "I'm willing to adjust and try again while I hope for a better outcome." We can challenge and change worst case scenarios and what ifs to even ifs- like "What if I lose my job and everything falls apart" to "Even if I lose my job I will find another one and I have people who can support me and want to help me."

My hope for you is this: pay attention to how you're thinking. If your thoughts are keeping you stuck or making you feel bad, challenge and change the thought. Be kinder to yourself. Be kinder to others. Tell yourself the whole truth, not just one part of the truth. Friends, don't believe everything you think.


- Rae Cowen, LMFT

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