Getting Older, Getting Wiser?




Hello FPA and happy April! This month I want to share a few thoughts with you about aging. If you're one of my patients, you've seen my face and probably noticed I'm one of our younger providers.

I've noticed that different age groups respond differently to perception of my age. I used to be self-conscious about working as a provider with a face as young as mine. I was only 23 when I finished my graduate studies and became a licensed professional. I wanted to be taken seriously, I didn't want patients to judge me based on my youth or make assumptions that I wouldn't be able to provide good care because I was young. I wanted the opportunity to earn the trust and confidence of my patients, and I feared I wouldn't get that opportunity based on bias or assumption. I wanted to look older and be perceived as older so I wouldn't be dismissed. That was 8 years ago, and now that I've been in healthcare for awhile I've learned some things.

Here’s the thing- I have the privilege of working with people across the lifespan. I work with children, I work with teens and young adults, I work with adults in their mid-life, I work with adults in their elder years. I end up talking with more patients than I anticipated about aging and the passing of time in our lives.

We talk about how we expect our aging process to unfold. What surprises us about getting older. What we learn from witnessing the aging of our predecessors. How we expect different seasons of life to look. What it means to each of us to mark another year on the planet, to reflect on what life has given us and what we have given to our lives.

We often resist the process of aging, believing it is something to be managed or mourned. Physically and emotionally the changes are very real, but they don't necessitate a net loss. Our bodies, our relationships, our roles, all shift and evolve as we move through decades of life. Aging can be framed as growth, rather than decline.

The days might feel long, but the years certainly feel short. I'm told they feel shorter and shorter as you go, and thus far my experience has matched that expectation. Especially after you have kids. Kids grow and change so rapidly. One minute you're holding your smushy newborn to your chest, and the next minute you're sending them off to middle school. It feels like you've barely had time to blink and then your baby is all grown up and you're 20 years older.

It goes quick, friends. As self-conscious as I was about my age when I became a professional, looking back I have grace and gentleness for that younger self. She knew there was a lot about being a person that she didn't know. Each year, each decade that goes by, I grow more into myself. The years that pass teach me about who I am, who I want to be, and how I want to live.

More time alive means more wisdom, more perspective, more connection.

We should find gratitude towards our aging process. If we're continuing to grow older,


it means we've had more opportunities to experience and evolve.

Aging brings a depth and a breadth to life that just isn't accessible to the youths. Let's honor that. 


- Rae Holliday, LMFT

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